The signs were all there. How could I not have seen that I was being played? There I was, foolishly thinking that this absolutely gorgeous guy was actually into me; that he actually wanted me. Stupid. So so stupid.
I should have realized this was all a game for him. He always knew exactly what to say and exactly what to do. Too good to be true proved to be right once again.
From the first night I was there, there were signs. When we were trying to find somewhere to go Friday night after my arrival Jake made a lot of phone calls, but they were all girls. That means that he always has girls calling him and telling him to come to parties at all kinds of ungodly hours. And the playfully sarcastic way he spoke to them reminded me a lot of how he spoke to me over the phone. That should have been a red flag for me.
He also tried to kiss me on the first night, which I wasn’t having any of, but that should have let me know that he moves pretty fast and gets what he wants. Then at the pool Saturday every single girl in there called his name when we walked in and he went around and said hello to all of them.
But then I think about how I kissed him and he kissed me back. Why would he allow me to do that in front of everyone if it was just a game? Come to think of it though, he did have time to assess who was there and who wasn’t. He probably already ran through all those girls or didn’t see them as prospects. Whatever. Now I’m over-thinking.
But there were still more signs. You should have seen how many times a day his phone would consecutively go off with text messages from girl after girl after girl. The guy is definitely popular. Again every girl knew his name and seemed excited to see him when we walked into the party Saturday night. The way he effortlessly moved from girl to girl at the party should have let me know he knew his way around and was a little too comfortable with too many of them. And then the way they all flocked to his side as soon as I started dancing with someone else was a clear sign he was seriously coveted. You have to have some sort of reputation to be that wanted.
How did I not figure it out before? Or maybe I did but I was just enjoying myself too much to care. During one of our conversations he told me that his friends were telling him to ‘pass me,’ as in they wanted a turn with me, as in that is probably something that is normal for them. I’m shaking my head at myself as I write this. How could I seriously let myself even slightly fall for someone like that?
And I obviously knew that girls wanted him; or should I say, wanted him again. Who knows? But like that girl who seemed to have it out for my during the water fight; she had to have some sort of reason for hating me without even knowing me. I know it has something to do with Jake whether they messed around before or whether she wanted to but he didn’t pay her the attention he seemingly paid me. I don’t know. But what I do know is that the signs of him being too good to be true were everywhere.
When we went hiking Jake knew the path all too well to not have taken it many times before. I wonder how many girls he’s taken up there; how many he’s hugged from behind on the bridge overlooking the lake; how many he’s kissed over and over again with the beautiful scenery.
He made me feel things though; things I haven’t felt in a really long time. Things I haven’t let myself feel for fear of getting hurt again. That’s why I want to be mean. That’s why I want to be hated. So that I’m not the one getting hurt, my dear diary, just enjoying the ride.